Really Stupid StoryLike Entity
by S.L.Beckman
Summary: The Fellowship must find a plot. Frodo goes shopping. Legolas finds his double (with GREASY HAIR!). The fellowship has a station wagon! Misreading of the book. death. And MONTY PYTHON REFERENCES! WOOHOO!
1. Meese are Meesefully suspenseful

Chapter one: Meese are Meese-fully suspenseful  
  
One day, Frodo went to the supermarket. "What is that?" he asked, seeing a croissant in a plastic packing-thing. "Is that Harry Potter?" he wondered aloud. Some hot model-people started looking at him and calling him a freak. "Why thank you," he responded.  
  
MEANWHILE:  
  
"Yes, it is," said Merry, watching Jeopardy. He had no idea what the show was, so he was saying stuff.  
  
"I LIKE CHAIN MAIL!" said Pippin. "WOOHOO LET'S KILL SOMEONE!"  
  
"ATTACK VIOLENTLY!!!!!" screamed Aragorn.  
  
"Whoops, I cut myself with this sword," remarked Gandalf.  
  
"Stupid old man, you're not supposed to have a sword! Haven't you read this stupid book by some guy named JRR Tolkein?" said Frodo. He had returned, having bought a pet rock and some broccoli.  
  
"I LOVE BROCOLI!" cooed Sam, checking out Frodo's arse.  
  
"Wait! I read that book!" screamed Boromir, checking reviews on fanfiction.net. "He does have a sword! I can't count!"  
  
"No shit, Sherlock."  
  
"WHO SAID THAT??!" screamed Boromir.  
  
"I like Boogeymen," shouted Gollum.  
  
"You are a boogey-gollum!" said Frodo.  
  
"OOO, let's go find a plot!!!" said Aragorn!  
  
"OK!"  
  
so, they all piled into the car. It was actually a station wagon, and the hobbits, gimli, and Legolas (cuz he sucks) were forced to sit in the back- trunk-thingy. 


	2. Stuff Happens, Well, Not Really

A/N: to all my reviewers (except Sami, and only half-heartedly to 'edgy wedgy' as u did not blatantly insult me), the plot is coming in this chapter. As previously stated, the story is the story of a search for a plot. The first chapter is... screwed up, but o well. I hope that maybe u like this chapter better. Here it is:  
  
THE SEARCH FOR THE PLOT: (Part One) - Stuff Happens, Well, Not Really  
  
At Aragorn's suggestion, the fellowship plunged into the world in search of a plot. They drove out in their station wagon (well, actually, Gandalf drove, Aragorn backseat drove, and Boromir did nothing useful, as usual)  
  
(A/N: I bear no particular animosity towards any member of the fellowship (except Legolas), so don't take any insults personally)  
  
"I saw a cat today," said Pippin. Sam would have responded by saying he loved cats, but he loved Frodo more, and since they were all stuck in the back of the station wagon, he had an excuse to feel him up. Sam also wouldn't have responded because he didn't like talking to Pippin and Merry. He was jealous of their long-lasting and successful relationship.  
  
Legolas was making googley-eyes at some girls in the car behind them, cuz they were hot, and Frodo was trying desperately to get away from Sam's perverted clutches.  
  
In the front, Boromir had done something (finally). He had started singing '99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall'. Aragorn, hearing his favorite song, joined in, but his version went like this:  
  
99 really sharp swords on the wall  
  
99 really sharp swords  
  
take one down  
  
and kill someone  
  
98 really sharp swords on the wall  
  
(yeah, yeah, yeah, I know the song sucks, BUT THAT JUST SUCKS FOR YOU, NOW DOESN'T IT?)  
  
Then, Gandalf pulled to a halt in front of a large sign.  
  
"Perhaps we can find a plot here!" he exclaimed.  
  
The sign read: DISNEYLAND  
  
OMG!!! What will happen to the fellowship in Disneyland! Will they find a plot? Or will they just do stupid stuff, which is all they've been doing so far! Find out in the next chapter, which is not named yet! 


	3. Legolas Finds His Double

A/N: thank you to every1 who reviewed chapter 2 (aka, people I know). Sami is jealous cuz I have flamers. C, u stupid flamers, u r beneficial 2 my health. O, and edgy wedgy, ur cool! I read ur magical hat/shoes stories, they are verily luvlyful. Lemme know if u read that. Now, the story:  
  
THE SEARCH FOR THE PLOT (part two): Legolas Finds His Double(and it has greasy hair)  
  
They walked into the front gate of Disneyland. Since they didn't have tickets, their admittance was granted by a somewhat reluctant ticket-taker when Aragorn held a sword to her throat.  
  
Inside, they were astonished by what they saw.  
  
"What is this place?" wondered Boromir, gazing in awe at 'Main Street USA'.  
  
"It looks very luverlyful," replied Merry. Then, he and Pippin wandered off to sit on a bench under a tree and whisper sweet nothings to each other. Sam was jealous.  
  
Then, Legolas felt something pulling him. It was his vanity senses tingling. (Yes, for lack of a better word, he has 'vanity senses', which is when he senses something that has to do with him, and is pulled toward it)  
  
The whole fellowship stopped what they were doing and stared, as Legolas wove his way through the crowd, on the hunt for whatever led his vanity senses away.  
  
"I wonder what it is," wondered Frodo, but Gandalf hushed him sternly.  
  
Meanwhile, Legolas had stopped in front of a large poster for 'Pirates of the Carribean' (the movie), with Orlando Bloom on it.  
  
"That looks just like me," said Legolas, but then he noticed something.  
  
"NO!!!!! I HAVE GREASY HAIR!!!!"  
  
to be continued... 


	4. A Rabid Dog From Outer Space

A/N: here is more, though so far no one has really loved this story. Oh well, a true artist never gives up hope. But since I am not a true artist, I write out of despiration.  
  
THE SEARCH FOR THE PLOT: (part three) A Rabid Dog from Outer Space (aka Pluto)  
  
While Legolas was off looking at a poster of his double (orli), the rest of the fellowship was finding adventures elsewhere.  
  
You see, a giant... animal walked up to them and started to hug Pippin. Pippin started screaming 'No, no! Argh, get it OFF ME!!!', so Merry began a hopeless wrestling match with the creature (which was a yellow dog).  
  
Aragorn strode over and tried to help Merry get the creature off Pippin, but in comparison to the dog-thing, Pippin was tiny, and it was very slow- going.  
  
So Galdalf muttered something cool in elvish, and the dog was blasted backwards. Aragorn held its arms behind its back as Boromir began the interrogation.  
  
"What is your name?"  
  
No answer.  
  
"What is your quest?"  
  
No answer.  
  
"What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"  
  
"African or European swallow?"  
  
"I don't know that!"  
  
So, Boromir was sucked into that firey pit-thing. Aragorn looked at the tag around the dog's neck. "PLUTO", he read aloud.  
  
"Isn't that in outer space?" asked Sam.  
  
"Yes, I believe so," replied Gandalf.  
  
So Aragorn chopped off the head of the rabid alien dog. But then realized it was a guy in a suit. So they all ran away quickly.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED!  
  
(A/N: Did you catch the Monty Python reference? It was the dialogue from the bridgekeeper in 'Holy Grail'. I'm going to put a Monty Python reference in each chapter, and if you catch it you........well you get to be special, now don't you. And you gain my respect. YAY! SO, review please! TBC!) 


	5. Park Security

A/N: Yay to everyone who caught the Monty Python reference. (Total - 2) There's another hidden in here, so spot and you get double kudos. And, yes, edgy wedgy, you get to be special. And no Sami, you do not.  
  
THE SEARCH FOR THE PLOT: (part four) Park Security  
  
Soon, Park Security found the body of the beheaded Pluto-impersonator. For some reason (to better the story and not make it entirely suckyful) they did not evacuate the park, nor close it for that matter. Instead, they found Legolas attempting to gouge Orlando Bloom's eyes out (in the poster, that is)  
  
"Alright, Blondie, you're coming with us," announced one of the guard- dudes.  
  
Legolas pulled out a knife and aimed it at them.  
  
"Come on now, that's hardly fair," said the security guard, "Here, use this instead."  
  
He tossed Legolas a banana, and Legolas looked at it unsurely and dropped his knife.  
  
"Well, come on now! Run at me with the banana!"  
  
Legolas did so, and the guard shot him through the chest.  
  
"Well, what did you do that for?" asked a random passer-by.  
  
"He attacked me with a banana."  
  
"Well you told him to."  
  
The security guard dropped his gun and ran away. Into that big lake- thingy. And drowned.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED! 


	6. The Castle Bridge

A/N: MP reference was Legolas and the banana thingy. Catch the one in this chapter!  
  
THE SEARCH FOR THE PLOT: (part five) The Castle Bridge  
  
Meanwhile, the rest of the fellowship had split up. Another branch of park security found Aragorn "guarding" the castle bridge thingy. He was also roasting a duck on a nearby fire.  
  
The security guards walked up to him.  
  
"Excuse me, sir, but you can't roast a duck in the middle of the park."  
  
"And why, may I ask, not?" asked Aragorn  
  
"Of course you may ask, you just did! And because you can't have a fire, it's dangerous. And you're not supposed to kill the ducks, they belong to the park. Please come with us back to security. If you're lucky they won't press charges, though I'm certain they will."  
  
But, a change had come over Aragorn.  
  
"None shall pass," he proclaimed, holding his sword in front of him as the security guards came towards him. "None shall pass."  
  
The security guard, who, for some reason, had a sword instead of a gun, pulled out his sword. They fought. Then they separated. "Fine, fine, we won't press charges."  
  
But, Aragorn ran at him again. This time, the guard cut off Aragorn's arm. ('it was self-defense' he said, at a later date). They separated again.  
  
"All right, are you finished yet?" asked the guard.  
  
"It's only a scratch," said Aragorn, and ran at him again. This time, Aragorn lost both an arm and a leg. He attempted to kick the guard with his one good leg, but the guard lops it off. Then, the guards run away.  
  
"Come back here, you yellow-bellied... I'll bite your kneecaps off!"  
  
Then, he died of blood loss.  
  
TBC  
  
Fellowship Remaining: Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Gimli (all the short ones!)  
  
Can y'all sense the pattern yet? Extra kudos 4 anyone who catches it! 


	7. Random Fatal Interlude

THE SEARCH FOR THE PLOT (part six) - Random Fatal Interlude  
  
Two architect-like entities were sitting in an office in a skyscraper, watching their colleagues drop out of the windows above them. They were trying to name them.  
  
Suddenly, a smaller body fell out of the window.  
  
"What was that?" asked one of the architects (played by Eric Idle).  
  
"I don't know," said the other architect (played by another member of a certain comedy troupe that I happen to idolize whom I can't quite remember at the moment and haven't the patience to go look up), "but if I had to guess, I'd say it was a hobbit."  
  
And indeed, he was right. It was, in fact, one of the Shire-folk, thrown over the building by an angry Disneyland guest after he tried to cut the line to get on the Winnie the Pooh ride.  
  
Pippin went SPLAT.  
  
TBC  
  
A/N: The Monty Python reference in the last one was the whole duel on the bridge, most importantly the 'it's only a flesh wound', 'none shall pass', and 'I'll bite your kneecaps off' bits. Can y'all spot the pattern yet? Props to the 1st person who does. Sami, you don't count so don't even guess. The Python reference in this chapter should be extra obvious, so I'll have to make the next one really hard. See y'all later, please review! 


	8. How Not to be Seen

A/N: Just letting y'all know, I haven't seen all the Monty Python episodes either, and I haven't seen 'The Meaning of Life' yet. (I'm not allowed......... evile parents!)  
  
And, yes, the reference in the last chapter was, in fact, the entire thing.  
  
Anywho, here is the next chapter.  
  
THE SEARCH FOR THE PLOT: (part seven) How Not to be Seen  
  
Sam found Frodo crouching behind a bush.  
  
"What are you doing, mister Frodo?" asked Sam.  
  
"Shhh!" said Frodo, "I'm practicing how not to be seen!"  
  
"Why?" asked Sam, getting a bit closer.  
  
"So people won't see me," replied Frodo irritably, trying to crawl away.  
  
"But why don't you want to be seen?"  
  
"So you won't harass me!"  
  
Sam started crying. "You don't love me?"  
  
"No!"  
  
Sam ran away sobbing. Frodo found a different bush to crouch behind.  
  
HOW NOT TO BE SEEN. *BANG* went Frodo's bush, and Frodo was dead.  
  
Tbc  
  
Have y'all gotten the pattern yet? Have I killed Gandalf yet? See y'all later! 


	9. Mourning with a side of Blancmange

The Monty Python reference in the previous chapter was, essentially, the entire thing. Not the bit about hobbits, but the whole architects watching people fall outside their window thing was a MP sketch.

THE SEARCH FOR THE PLOT (part seven)

Meanwhile, Merry was mourning the untimely and unsightly death of his "friend" Pippin.

He wandered morosely through Disneyland, shedding the tears of a thousand sorrows.

Suddenly, a Disneyland employee ran up to him. "Why are you so upset?" he asked, "Don't you know that this is the happiest place on earth?"

Merry was about to respond when a giant blancmange (bluh-mahnje) came and ate them both.

TBC

Remaining fellowship members: Sam, Gandalf, Gimli


End file.
